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Mr. Elephant loves cookies!

Sometimes you need to let your aggression out like our good Jewish ally Adam Sandler does in the Wedding Singer.

I think a lot of us need to relieve stress that is built up. Often times sex is a great stress reliever but for those who don't have that regular stimulation running provides an excellent way to drive that stress level down. It is something to consider. I suggest taking this under consideration next time you feel overwhelmed with whatever is happening in your life. Work stress, relationship stress, friends stress, and countless others.

Just hop outside and go run. Run fast, slow, far, short..... whatever you need to do to release that inner anxiety that is eating you up inside.

Idols and Comedy

Homer Simpson is someone we all know and at times can relate to. I myself like to be lazy, drink and eat a lot of food. I am talking massive quantities of consumption. I used to eat Doritos and put Tabasco sauce on them. This is a time to be honest.

Something my father said to me was "Dan.....I'm 50 years old and I can still run, bike, eat and drink more than you. You are an embarrassment to the Fogarty clan" this motivating factor is what inspired me to get my ass out the door and on the asphalt.

We can all take a lesson from him.

The man himself

*He didn't really say that.

O My...

So I was searching through the Washington Running Report, and I came across a very fun race called the Germantown 5 miler on May 16th.

I thought it was fun until I looked at the race logo...Do you see what I see?





Someone needs to tell Himler, or whoever created this race that swastikas have been banned throughout Germany, and are not a nice thing. I wonder what they do to the jews who run this thing? Forget 5 miles, I won't be within 180 miles from this race.

I guess I should've taken a hint that this race was racist, when they asked for t-shirt sizes, small , medium, or yellow arm band...

Fucked up.

Sincerely,

Matt "I'm Jewish" Greenberg

Our Blog's Fan of the Month!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen I am happy to announce our 1st ever Fan of the Month!



The fan is none other than DC native, and VA potty trained Andrew Corcoran, better known as Shizzam by family and friends.

"Andrew was a tough pick" said the blog moderator, "it was between him and Dan Fogarty."

Mr. Corcoran was awarded this prestigious honor after it was discovered that he visited Don't Throw The Candy So Hard a record 93 times in just one week. Way to go Shizzam!

When Andrew is not looking at our blog, he enjoys reading, walking, talking on the phone, playing checkers with Gabe and biting the heads off of live bats.

Thanks Andrew, now please stop calling us.

Love,

Don't Throw The Candy So Hard

Try Running

I just think that some people need to try running. Its such a simple activity. You don't need anything. If you think about it you don't technically need shoes or clothes. So you cannot say its too expensive (although i recommend buying all of your shoes and clothing from CITY SPORTS at citysports.com)

But this Kristy Alley, whom we all remember from Look Who's Talking Now, is fat. She is fat.

She doesn't need to be and why would you want to be? And its not just her but so many others. I am not thin, I am actually obese according to the BMI index (although i think the formula was invented by little, tiny skinny people). Just keep in mind that you can look good, feel good, be good, smell ok, if you just run. And if people say its bad for you its because they are some of the laziest people.

Brought to you be MotionMotivators Inc.

So here we are everyone. The team that can conquer anything.

Top 3 reasons to read this blog:

1. God willing we will be funny 1 out of every 100 posts.
2. Gabe's life updates (currently single and looking for fun)
3. Matt will pay you money.

Running Marathons is a lot like getting your dick chopped off

I want to thank everyone (no one) for your support. The run was very fun, especially getting up at 4:00AM in Frederick, Maryland (where they filmed the movie Deliverance) to eat some warm-up oatmeal and a banana. Sleeping in a room (smoking only), with Dan, Blake and Gabe helped me solidify why I hate Jews.

Please take some time and watch the Louis CK below, it's a lot of fun, like watching Gabe get caught in a spiderweb.

4:23

Well we did it everyone. We successfully completed parts of a marathon. Our first MVP nomination is Gabe Wilson who was able to demolish his portion of the run (we told him there was a delicious pie at the end........ there wasn't). Everyone stepped into their own roles. Blake Premer, the horse, galloped the last leg of the race, 5 miles. He did it in about 7.5 minutes.

The man to note is Matt, having ate a tremendous amount of food (a plate of chicken parm, fried mozzarella, bread, ceaser salad, ice cream, milk shake, funions, spam, alka seltzer, gabe, and about 8 hours of inhaling stale smoke the night before) and finished the first leg of the race with plenty of time to spare.

It was an honor to run with my fellow teamates. I look forward to much more to come and maybe others to join!

We are at carrabba's italian grill for our last meal, projected time of completion is 4 hours

blake did poo already to set the record straight

The Reader, I haven't seen The Reader

We are about 2 hours away from departure to sunny Frederick Maryland, (not sunny). I'm here with Dan and we are waiting for Horse and PDF to come.

A lot of people have been asking me, Matt, what motivates you? Hugh Jackman motivates me. WOLVERINE MOTHA FUCKAS! When I think of Hugh Jackman, I think of strength, confidence and "If I were gay" scenarios. Just kidding guys (not kidding but I heard Blake say that once)

Please see this video that I saw recently from the 2009 Oscars...Keep Rockin' Hugh.

Race weekend!

Interview with the runners

So how does the team feel about the relay? We will look at quotes from Team Buddies to find out.

Leg 1 5.8 miles performed by Matt Greenberg Nickname: Yoda

“Were in Grave Danger, How I am going to finish this part of the race?”

Leg 2 7.4 miles performed by Gabe Wilson Nickname: PDF

“Buddy I don’t know if this race has proper FORMS, there appears to be a typographical error on page 7."

Leg 3 7.7 miles performed by Dan Fogarty Nickname: Celery Stick

“I put my hands up on my hip, when you dip, I dip, we dip…..into Fresh Dip that is. ”

Leg 4 5.3 Miles performed by Blake Premer Nickname: Horse

“I may become one of those 21 Polo Horses after this race. ”

This looks to be very interesting.. stay tuned!

The face of grace

Matt is right, we may not be friends, but what we do have in common is Gabriel Wilson. Our hero, our friend, our one true love. Here we are everyone, the team for Sunday:

Hypoglycemia

Some of you might be asking yourselves, "why is Matt taking a picture of the ambulance with his iPhone and not at the bedside of his friend Dan?" Well to be honest, we aren't that good of friends, and secondly... I never thought he was going to make it and I was hoping this pic might sell on eBay...

Glad you're still with us Dan, and I still have the ER hospital pass sooo...the bidding will start at $1.02

Some Inspiration

A movie that inspired me to originally start training for a marathon was Running the Sahara.

Matt and I decided to train together after 10 weeks, running 134 miles in total. It was a whirlwind of an experience and something I would 100% do again. It trained me mentally, physically, and harmoniously in tune with a running partner such as Matt.





However, we had to discontinue the training for a full 26.2 Mile Marathon at Frederick, MD. Instead I decided to run 12 miles from Rockville, MD to Chinatown, DC. and well this is what happened:

We went to the ER at GW hospital. However with the help of my friends Matt, Gabe and Blake we will complete the marathon together in a team relay.

My Real Dream

Sorry, I wanted all of you to watch this:

Love at first site.

My Teeth

This morning I had a cavity filled in. And we all know how a dentist has to be full of themselves because well how else do you join a profession that 80% of the time its a one way conversation:

Dr.: "So how about the sox huh? quite a terrible game last night, did you see it, yea I watched it at home..."
Patient: "agghh, uhh, ahh"

Now that we understand my morning. My dentist asked what I was doing this weekend and as he prepared the drill I blurted our "running a 4 person relay race on sunday, should be fun." He had apparently run a marathon, being from Colorado. Its the same as if you are from New Jersey you will wear slick back hair and your name will end in an "o".

He discussed his hate of running of marathons, how it was the worst 3 hours of his life and he will never do it again. Speaking of how angry he was my tooth is hurting a little bit now.

So with his inspirational Novocain I am numbed up for the race (I had him inject enough into my ass to kill a small horse).

Please take a look: my dream

Frederick Marathon Team Relay

So this Sunday (5/3) is the big day. At approximately 6AM, our 4-man team (Matt, Dan, Blake, Gabe) will complete a marathon relay. I know what you are thinking: Won't your scrotum's take a beating? And the answer is yes. But, we have been training long and hard for this day, and by training long and hard I mean we have done ultimately nothing.

Luckily the marathon is sponsored by CareFirst - BlueCross BlueSheild...as we may be utilizing their services following the race.

I am excited though, as are my teammates, especially Blake who got a tattoo on his lower back of the marathon course (I'll let you guess where it ends ;)

So wish us luck, good day.

CHECK IT OUT: http://www.frederickmarathon.org/site4.aspx